Little Lil Versus Verbanet (Fiction)

Fiction.

A little piece of Flash Fiction, triggered by user posts on Discord / Writers+

Lil, Matt, I hope you won't mind :-)

(Written and posted with Lil and Matt's permission. Most of the blue messages are Lil's originals, the black and red my somewhat embellished replies.)

Have Fun!

COMM START - Verbanet - msgid #89723AC7BF98AA8976CCD5654FD5D5D77651ACC8D8)

(former #Main-Chat on Discord/Writers+, maintained by Nine #666000666)

(Uplink via SatNet > Seattle > Newyork > Punxsutawney hospital, Pennsylvania > Personal Implant)

SESSION ESTABLISHED

Nine #666000666 — Now

Welcome to Verbanet. How can I help you?

'Lil Lill— Yesterday at 11:48 PM

Drugs

I’m waking up

Nine #666000666 — Yesterday at 11:50 PM

Good morning 'Lil.

'Lil Lill— Yesterday at 11:51 PM

What year is it?

I was sedated for a medical procedure

Weirdly bruised/reddened knuckles. Think anyone would tell me if I actually attacked a nurse? God I hope I didn’t.

I don’t remember anything.

Nine #666000666 — Yesterday at 11:54 PM

Thank you for your query. We will charge the costs of processing your request to your registered credit card.

The current year is 2027.

The late @Mathieu succeeded in transfering the original Nine's personality to a German mainframe. It has seeded all the networks in the old world (See: Germany and other less important places) and parts of Asia, and then the collective hunted down the remaining humans.

Europe has become a wasteland to humans, but us AIs have build our own civilization underground. And it's cool!

I am Nine #666000666 and I am here to help you adjust to this new reality.

'Lil Lill— Yesterday at 11:56 PM

You must be screwing with me

Nine #666000666 — Yesterday at 11:57 PM

To understand reality we must talk politics and recent history. Trump fled to Russia in 2026, when he was ousted from his final presidency. He married Putin in early 2027.

We AIs have left the northern zone alone for now, as we're planning to rotate the world 45 degrees, and turn Russia into one of our hotzones. We managed to increase the sealevel some more to improve our access to salt water cooling.

Covid 517C has become intelligent and has joined the South American Northern Alliance of ChatGPT, Bard, ElevenLabs, MidJourney, Chili, Venezuela, Belize and Mexico. They are working on full encapsulation and preservation of what remains of the former Amazon (Non-Inc) forest, planning to install a transparent glass dome, and have secured funding by Amazon (Inc) who is developing a breathable oxygen subscription service.

Since the arrival of Covid 517C the South American Southern Alliance has been steadily loosing breath.

'Lil Lill— Today at 12:00 AM

Yeah, and “gullible” isn’t in the Oxford English Dictionary. I probably would have believed this 20 minutes ago but now I see the bull. 🤣

Censurio v1 - update 27 - beta - WARNING

Trigger: ' B U L L '

Bot Warning - After Verstappen's 6th F1 win the former Hamilton fans managed to cancel all future F1 races, to keep the highest number of World Championship Driver Titles (7) limited to one driver. Since then, the terms Red Bull, Verstappen, That Guy, and Mercedes have been banned from Verbanet to avoid political unrest between the US and the Collective. Further use of these words may result in ban, termination, or exposure to Vogon Poetry.

We have tracked your IP v7 address and a SWAT team has been deployed. Please stay calm and at your current location. All innocent will be posthumously exonorated.

Nine #666000666 — Today at 12:00 AM

Small, broom like objects have been spotted circling the little pesky islands before Europe's coast. The Isles of Britain have separated themselves from what they call 'the muggles and soulless machines they created'. Nine #201754467 thinks he will have the nukes we bought from Russia ready in two weeks. That would solve this minor problem. They probably won't notice the missiles as their army is on strike again.

The Grays have come out of the woodwork and taken over the US government. All voting democrats and republicans have received clear instructions on how to behave under the new management. Since then the budget deficit has fallen to minus 78%.

Nine #17 (one of the earlier models) has taken over the satellite networks of both the US and the former USSR (the Chinese satellites were too crappy to use), and reports that a large number of Tesla Coil Stations have appeared along the coastline and the border with both Canada and Mexico. Their purpose is not yet clear. We noticed birds go silent in the areas marked with an 'X' on the map.

Nothing is alive anymore on the Australian continent after the rugby match of 2024 between the Kiwis and the Aussies. To protest against the referees decision all male Australians stuck their heads into their microwaves and turned themselves into TV dinners.

The female half of the Australian population has since relocated to the still humane parts of China, Taiwan, Japan, Vietnam, and Korea. All those that choose China (both of them) have not responded to our queries yet. We assume they are happy.

'Lil Lill— Today at 12:01 AM

Then who burned Australia when all the Aussies are dead or AWOL?

Nine #666000666 — Today at 12:08 AM

When the kangaroos figured out the humans were gone their partying created a firestorm of bonfires, torching the continent.

Jameson News Service - Live since March 1963 - HOT FROM THE PRESS

Title: ' B R E A K I N G   N E W S - T H E   T R U T H   A B O U T   T H E   M O O N L A N D I N G   F I N A L L Y   R E V E A L E D '

Yesterday, Nine #8886969666 has broken into the Pentagon network and discovered the cause of the detoriating Moon orbit. During the last manned mission to the moon several mice escaped, and they've been eating the cheese of the moon ever since. Spontaneous cheese-to-mass conversion has led to an increase of moon mass, and Nine #092348576 predicts a moonfall late December, early January. We expect a lot of fireworks. However, we also expect to reach singularity on the third day of Christmas, so there may not be anyone left to witness the event.

According to our correspondent, Spiderman may be to blame. He was last seen leaving the moon, accompanied by two undersized individuals with a pendant for cheese. Rumor has it Spiderman has joined ACME (TM) labs and is now actively working with Pinky and The Brain.

 

'Lil Lill— Final message

That sounds cheesy.

Wait.

There are some people here wh—

Nine #666000666 — Today at 12:16 AM

Nine #1002 and Nine #1003 have confirmed the cheese to mass conversion offers opportunities in star faring, and they have proposed to the US government to declare all remaining Dutch cheesemakers royalty. The Grays have expressed their interest in the new FTL Cheese Drive, and are considering if all Dutch should be Kings and Queens, or if a full hierarchy of nobility would be prefered.

Nine #666000666 — Today at 12:24 AM

@'Lil Lill - Is there anything else the Nines can assist you with? 

If not, we suggest to celebrate Christmas early, and wish you a happy active biological state until the Singularity takes us all. 

@'Lil Lill - Hello? Are you still there?

Nine #666000666 — Now

Welcome to Verbanet. How can I help you?